Cricket World Cup 2007: Dispatches from West Indies and India

Last few days have been very hectic for me. I have been at multiple places at the same time trying to cover all the happenings in the West Indies and the repercussions back home, much like Salman Rushdie's protagonist in The Midnight's Children. Here are my reports (unedited, unaltered)

24th March 2007 (2:15 AM IST): India's men in blues have lost rather surrendered to the Sri Lankan team. "What do these Bangladeshi's and Sri Lankans eat that our players don't," asked the wife long distance, in a voice that was more lethal than Gabbar Singh's in Sholay when he asked, "Yeh, Ramgarh waale apne chokariyon ko kaun se chakki ka pisa hua aata khilate hain?" These days you can carry on a silly conversation long distance given the way telecom tariffs have come down. "Non veg food and beef steaks," I said quickly referring to my notes of my meetings with the Sri Lankan and the Bangladeshi captain. Wifey, prone to not listening when her better half is speaking like any self respecting Bong girl said, "They should have more Bongs in the team. The fish will do the trick." Fish and beef? I could not see the correlation, but I let it pass. This was no time for frivolities, as Bertie would have said. It was time for action and reporting.

24th March, 2007 (4:30 AM IST): The press conferences are over. Rumors are flying thick and fast. Greg Chappell was rattled by inflammatory questions posed to him by the members of the fourth estate, which indicates that some people may be plotting against him. A source in the Port-of-Spain police force said that Greg has asked for additional police protection. No one who is known to Greg is allowed to meet him alone in the room, especially after the sad death, now confirmed murder, of Bob Woolmer by one or more people he seemed to have known well.

The Trinidad police is not taking any chances and only unknown persons are allowed to go and meet him. He has been provided with bullet proof jacket to be worn at all hours. No Indians are allowed to meet him. In fact, Greg Chappell apparently got the scare of his life when a hotel employee tried to stuff the newspaper on the door handle and as a result made some suspicious noises. The said bell boy has been detained for further questioning and the newspaper has been send for forensic examination to Washington.

Dravid in the post match conference said, "I take full responsibility. Now the selectors have an easy job ahead of them for 2011. They know which sixteen will certainly not be there."

23rd March, 2007 (5:00 AM IST): The Pakistan team sent out a congratulatory note to Greg Chappell thanking him for ensuring that India was out of the World Cup as well. There is a fair chance that now they will not be beaten black and blue when they return home. When asked, Greg Chappell said, "I am not employed by you people and I am not prepared to answer it." He also said that congratulations were not due just to him, but to the entire team since he thinks "it's a collective responsibility" and he would love to share credits with people it is due to.

Geo TV has reported that Khawar Zaidi, a Pakistan diplomat, is being flown in from Washington to personally greet Greg Chappell and Rahul Dravid, along with the rest of the Indian team on behalf of the Pakistan government. Pakistan government has promised land to the Indian team in the upmarket Defence Housing Colony in Clifton in Karachi. President Musharraff's campaign in the forthcoming elections will focus on India's early ouster from the World Cup. Things are indeed happening fast.

24th March 2007 (7:00 AM IST): Sachin Tendulkar, Vice Captain, said, "I am looking forward to the 2011 World Cup," as he stepped out of the hotel to go for a photo shoot. Apparently ESPN and Star Sports have given him a lucrative contract to be one of the panelists in their illustrious list, which includes greats like Sunil Gavaskar. The next four years Sachin plans to devote to rigorous training of his vocal chords in anticipation of the challenging job ahead.

The hotel were the Indian team is staying wore a deserted look. Everybody was out (partying) and those who were not out were having small parties in their rooms.

24th March 2007 (9:30 AM - 8:00 PM IST): India has woken up to the news that India is most likely out of the World Cup. I just flew in (in a time machine, of course) to get the reactions in India.

Kolkata: In Kolkata, a procession was brought out by cricket lovers demanding the reinstatement of Jag Mohan Dalmiya at the helm of BCCI and Sourav Ganguly as the Indian cricket captain. Buddhadeb Bhattacharjee, the embattled Chief Minister of West Bengal said, "I will ask Prakash (Karat) to raise it in the next meeting of the UPA coordination committee and our MPs will also raise the issue in parliament after it reconvenes after the current recess."

Mumbai: A member of the Mumbai Cricket Association and the Prabhadevi Morning Walker's Association has said that Sachin should be made the non-playing captain till younger talent is groomed, preferably from Mumbai. A despondent cricket fan said, "The Indian team is fit only to play Rakhee's bouncers." Yuvraj Singh has apparently refused to play ball and vowed his loyalities towards another starlet.

Bhopal: Kiran More, the erstwhile selector, has squarely blamed Sourav Ganguly. He said, "The Indian team's entry into the 2003 World Cup finals had raised India's hopes and expectations. If only Ganguly had not led the team into the finals then we had almost managed to forget 1983." Off the record he said that is why he had dropped Ganguly and tried to hound him out of Indian cricket.

Somewhere in Uttar Pradesh: Rahul Gandhi, the crown prince of Congress, interrupted his campaign for the forthcoming UP elections and took of his skull cap he wears when he is Deoband or Aligarh to speak to the press. He said, "If my grandmother had been alive, she surely would have been the Prime Minister of India and then India would have won the World Cup. Look at 1983, who was the Prime Minister then?"

And in true traditions of the Gandhi family when asked what he was going to do about the loss, he said, "Humein dekhna hain, hum dekhenge..." "Rahul baba resembled his dear father when he said this," observed an old timer as he wiped a tear from the corner of his eyes. Rahul also said that BJP and Samajwadi Party were to be blamed for India's loss since they only encouraged wrestling (SP) and stick wielding (the RSS).

Delhi: A section of the Congress has demanded that Sonia Gandhi replace Sharad Pawar as the President of the BCCI and Rahul Gandhi be made the Chairman of the selection committee, since he had secured admission to St Stephen's College, New Delhi, under the sports quota, when he did not meet academic standards, which only goes to show what a great sportsman he is. "Sonia lao, cricket bachao" is the slogan coined by Ambika Soni and Mani Shankar Iyer jointly. Sonia has refused to comment and is maintaining her sphinx like silence. During the day she only spoke to her daughter, Priyanka.

Meanwhile the BJP has blamed the Congress for India's performance. They said because Italy does not play cricket, Sonia Gandhi does not encourage our cricketers. They also blamed Indira Gandhi for the creation of Bangladesh without which the tragedy of losing to Bangladesh could not have happened. "Na rahegi baans, na bajegi bansoori" was their inimitable logic. Atal Behari Vajpayee has refused to be drawn into the controversy and has decided not to campaign for the UP polls since he is unwell (any cricket fan would understand and sympathise with him).

Kamal Nath, Union Minister of Trade & Commerce, has blamed the lobby producing cricket bats for India's woes. He has said India will ban the export of cricket bats so that more bats at lower prices are available in India for our budding cricketers. He said his government will impose price limits on cricket bats and the government will supply bats to minorities on a preferential basis in line with the PMs statement that "minorities have first right on the country's resources." He said he will also urge the Pakistan administration to take similar steps.

Mumbai, ZEE TV studios: In a hurriedly convened press conference. Pradeep Guha, ZEE TVs CEO, announced that his channel would start airing a new serial from Monday titled "Kyonki Sachin bhi kabhi cricket khelta tha". The serial to be produced by Balaji Telefilms will be directed by none other than Ekta Kapoor, India's soap opera queen. Pradeep Guha said, "This serial will be a hit with housewives across the country as they would regain the control of the TV remote that they had lost since the start of the World Cup."

25th March 2007 (5:00 AM IST): The Sri Lankan skipper, Mahela Jayewardene said, "Cricket is a funny game." From where he is sitting, I am sure he sees many funny things. Meanwhile the Bermuda captain, Irvine Romaine, has said, "That the whole of corporate India wants us to beat Bangladesh. Don't worry, we will try our best." So corporate India and Bermuda is rising to save India's team for another battle another day.

Rumors are that corporate India is trying to fix the match and has approached the Bangladeshi players to throw away their match so that India can qualify. Prakash Karat, General secretary of CPI (M), who has recently fallen in love with industrialists and industrialization has reportedly promised corporate India that he will ensure that West Bengal government offers land for settling the Bangladeshi players if they lose to Bermuda and are unable to go back to their country. Bermuda players have vowed to take India to the next round. There is hope yet.

25th March 2007 (6:00 AM IST): Ricky Ponting said that he preferred the Australian way of winning rather than the Indian way of losing. He was reacting to Sunil Gavaskar's comments that while Aussies were unpopular champions of the game, Indians were more popular (losers). "Sachin has more sponsors running after him than the entire Aussie team," said Gavaskar when I met him in the hotel lobby.

25th March 2007 (9:00 AM IST): In the offices of a foreign brokerage house in Nariman Point, Mumbai, an analyst is writing a "Buy" report on Zee Tele. His earlier fears that Zee would have a poor quarter because of the World Cup will not come true any longer. But he is not happy after having been dragged into his Dilbertian cubicle on a bright Sunday morning. "Curse the Indian team," he muttered under his breath as he typed furiously on the keyboard. A sentiment with which the rest of the country agreed.

After 48 hours of non-stop working and criss-crossing the Atlantic, I need some sleep now. Ciao. Good night, sleep tight and don't let the bugs bite.

(All the characters mentioned in my dispatches are true and real life. Any resemblance to persons dead or living is purely intentional. However, the same cannot be said about the events.)